Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Hot Club

Mr. D. asked Doc Proc to go to the Louisville - PC game Saturday night. It was on opposite the Jags-Pats game. Proc turned down the ticket at first but then decided to go for the 1st half of the game. Mr. D. said that the real scoop is that Proc changed his mind.

Hooks admitted that he spent $900 for new toilets in his condo. Somehow he saw this as a gift for girlfriend Sue. But she wasn't buying it. Not even if the toilets had heart shaped seats for Valentine's Day.

The Falcon, who has been missing these many months, swooped back into the HC over the holidays. From his coat he proceeded to pull a bag of Hershey's kisses, an Andreas Bocelli CD, and a $10,000 Iranian note. He bought the currency for $7 on the Internet. He then sold it to the Wise Man for $10.

Contraire was reading a newspaper - The National Contrarian. Naturally.

A woman who breeds horses stopped by. She told Mr. D. and me about the dangers of breeding stallions. She said that you never know what you'll get with a stallion and likened it to not knowing what kind of sex you're going to have with a new partner.

Calamity Jane said she is often worried that the 1500-pound stallions will kill her mares. And you can't come between the stallion and his mare. Calamity said that once her lover grabbed her by the hair and yanked hard. She backhanded him across the face. Just instinct, she said.

She remembered an one-eyed stallion that was having trouble mounting a mare. The one-eyed horse had no depth perception and kept missing the mare. They had to help put Ole One Eye in - about 12 times before he finally succeeded. As soon as the stallion came, it passed out, keeling over with its feet in the air.

Calamity has a friend from U Mass days that is a pig ejaculator. She uses an Electro-Jack.
We were talking about the Christmas parties that the HC regulars used to attend every year.
Contraire planned them. 5 Angels said, "Yeah, it's the only thing he ever did right."

And our sincere condolences to Jesse (Sue Murphy's son) who lost his friend Bailey just before Christmas when she was struck by a car. Bailey was in Amistad and several Trinity Rep plays. Bailey was only 23.


This is a movie written and directed by rock musician Rob Zombie. It is his first effort and a pretty damn good one at that. There are memorable characters like Captain Spaulding (horror vet Sid Haig), Baby (Sheri Moon aka Mrs. Rob Zombie), and certainly Otis (Bill Moseley). Throw in some moldy oldies like Karen Black (Mother Firefly) and Michael J. Pollard (Stucky) and you have the ingredients for a huge helping of horror.

Zombie also did the music (with Scott Humphrey) and contributes both original razorwire rhythms and oddball inclusions like Frank Ifield's I Remember You, the Commodores' Brick House and the Betty Boopish I Wanna Be Loved By You.

Zombie's movie is highly derivative owing much to Texas Chain Saw Massacre (the House even reminds you of the one in Texas), Motel Hell and Hershel Gordon Lewis' 10,000 Maniacs. But at the same time, this film carves out its own place in the halls of horror.

You won't soon forget Captain Spaulding and his Museum of Monsters and Madmen, 'Fish Boy', the corridor of corpses or Halloween at the House. New meaning is also given to "Who's your Daddy?" and "Showtime".

The movie has an abundance of sick humor as well as that netherworld feel of not knowing what will happen next. If you care to visit, the movie is only 88 minutes long. That actually seemed just right. And it was well received so there is already a sequel: The Devil's Rejects. That film is already on my mental list of upcoming sick delights.

HELLBOY (2004)

This entry from director Guillermo del Toro (Devil's Backbone and Blade 2) is a fun flick with interesting comic book characters created by Mike Mignola.

Ron Perlman is the cigar-chompin', wise-crackin', fire red Hellboy. Perlman, who has made a living working in the horror genre, was also in Alien Resurrection and City of Lost Children, both by director Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Here he teams with Sparky the Fire Girl (Selma Blair), Professor Broom (John Hurt) and Abe Sapien (aka Fishstick) to save the world from Grigori Rasputin (Karel Rodin), who is trying to open a portal to the 7 Gods of Chaos.

Jeffrey Tambor plays a FBI man assisted by Agents Clay, Lime, Moss, Quarry and Stone.
The makeup is by FX wizard Rick Baker. The tone is light and humorous and well worth a look. The movie has some great villains and is good enough to generate a few sequels.


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