Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Hot Club

Chuck D. Computer was talking about the Moslem furor over the printing of caricatures of their Prophet Muhammad. Chuck said, "I'm sorry our religious God is so insecure that you can't make fun of him. Now, let's get back to worshipping our son of a Jewish carpenter.

Sean the HC Bouncer was telling Mr. D. and me that he also works at the Celtic Pub in Pawtucket. He found out that the friends he knows at the Celtic know some of his friends at the HC. I said Rhode Island is so small, if you put 50 strangers in a room that within an hour they would realize they knew the same people. Sean said, "Yeah you sneeze and someone on the other side of the state says, 'God bless you.' "

We were talking about bad behavior and I mentioned the two ex-Panthers' cheerleaders who were caught in a bathroom stall having sex. I said, "I'm glad to see that the distaff side can be just as stupid as we are." Frequent Flyer replied, "Well, no one's got the market cornered on that." I noted that we've all done some things we regret. Mr. D. said, "Yeah, you open one eye and check out everything."

Chuck D. introduced us to his friend Sally from Baltimore. Sally has seen John Waters many times. I asked her if she's seen any of Waters' movies and she said she had. Later Chuck asked me what that term is for my crazy movies - It's 'Psychotronic'. That covers bizarre films from JD (juvenile delinquents) to WIP (Women in Prison) movies. I told them it was coined by Michael Weldon who got it from the film The Psychotronic Man.

So to give them an example of a 'Psychotronic' movie, I told them I just picked up Reform School Girls. Chuck's friend Sally said, "The one with Wendy O. Williams? WOW." Yes, the very same herself.

On a trip to Baltimore, I made sure that I visited Edgar Allan Poe's gravesite. And I also have rubbings of HP Lovecraft's headstone. Chuck said for that you need Dr. Zod's stone rubbing oil.

Mr. D. was talking about how in the old days they fed polenta to the pigs. And stale Italian bread is now 'Bruschetta'. And I added no one ate octopus until they began calling it 'Calamari'.

Sometimes I bring my pint glass (hard to come by) into the men's room. As I did so the other night, Chuck admonished me, "That better not come out fuller than it went in."


Starring Wendy O. Williams (WOW). With Pat Ast as Head Matron Edna Dawson (no relation, thank God). And the sexy Sybil Danning as Warden Sutter. This may be the only movie in which Danning doesn’t doff her duds (see Howling II, Malibu Express and Chained Heat).

While the girls go to the Pridemore (CA) Juvenile Facilities, this is a WIP (Women in Prison) movie by writer/director Tom DeSimone (Hell Night). And believe me none of these women look like teenagers. None of them could remotely pass for less than 21. Not even Lisa, played by (I kid you not) Sherri Stoner. If they showed naked underage girls, we could be talking about another Traci Lords case.

There is much nudity but thankfully not of Wendy O. Williams, who was not a looker (Bless her dear departed soul). Wendy does get to sneer a lot, shows off her rose tattoo, and sings not only the title song, but three others, including It's My Life written by Kiss' Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley.

I once saw Wendy O. Williams and her band the Plasmatics on a late night Boston TV show (Matt Siegel's, I think). After the band did some numbers, Siegel interviewed Wendy and her mohawked lead guitarist. Siegel said he was surprised that Wendy was so well behaved considering her reputation. The words were no sooner out of his mouth than Wendy whipped her top down exposing her breasts.

Anyway, this Psychotronic movie has all the creative elements - women in various stages of undress, a barely there script, funny lines and some great histrionic acting, especially Ast as Edna, who has a much meatier role than Sybil Danning, who doesn't show up until 34 minutes into the film.

Most Memorable Lines

(Shower scene) "You're going to be inspected inside and out, so get it clean."

"Edna: "Messin' with another girl's personals is against the rules."

Inmate: "For a good hard cucumber, I'd give it away."

And the truck driver to Jenny (Linda Carol), the 'star': "Let's play carnival. Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight."

Best Song

So Young, So Bad, So What sung by Etta James.

One quibble - This New World Pictures film from Anchor Bay has very audible and annoying static on the soundtrack. For the whole movie! I got it used at Newbury Comics and I'm taking it back. I'm not sure if the problem is because the DVD is used or if it's the source that is the cause.


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