Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Hot Club

Brock was speaking in a Scottish accent. When I didn't remark on it, Brock asked, "What you didn't notice?" My reply was, "I thought it was just Brock being Brock." To which Brock added, "No, it was a week's worth of Star Trek." Brock had morphed into Scotty.

Bouncer Sean had read in last week's Zine about my love for Edgar Allan Poe and HP Lovecraft. Sean is also a big fan of both. In fact he mentioned a Poe tale that I didn't know - The Man Used Up. I told Sean that Poe is credited with the first detective story (The Purloined Letter). And I told him that my favorite movies based on Poe stories were Masque of the Red Death and Stuart Gordon's version of The Pit And The Pendulum.

The Wise Man and the Wizard of the Web don't usually agree on anything, but they actually both were in consort that there should not be a casino built in Johnston.

In fact, Wise, Wiz and Foot Joy ganged up on me when I said that I welcomed a casino in RI. Wise said it would wipe out all the small businesses around it. He said Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun have already adversely affected Westerly, RI. So after ranting for some time that he wouldn't want a casino in RI, Wise said that if he were in favor of a casino, he'd put it in Westerly.

Joking Joe just came back from New York where he stayed at the Helmsley Hotel. He said everyone revered Henry Helmsley but not his wife Leona. Joe says Leona lives on the 46th and 47th floors. Foot Joy added, "That's where they have assisted living."

Joe then told us all a joke: A woman sits at the bar and a guy asks her if he can buy her a drink. She says, "No, it bothers my legs." The guy asks, "Do your legs swell?" The woman replies, "No, they open up."

Marcus Aurelius was talking about people convicted of drug-related crimes going to prison. He said, "We'll send you to jail because you might harm yourself with drugs. So we'll make sure we harm you by sending you to prison."

A young woman overheard Buffalo Steve, a guy named Mark and me talking about US history She challenged us with "Bet none of you have Howard Zinn's The People's History of America." Mark had a copy in his car. He went to get it. Buff Steve told her she owed Mark a drink since he had the book. She was having none of it. And when Mark came back with the book, she coaxed him into buying her a drink (Jameson's when she'd been drinking Narragansett beer). Mark thought she was in love with him because he had Zinn's book. Buffalo Steve and I knew better.

Later the same woman (whose name is the same as Tonto's horse) had to be bodily carried out (She smacked Brock in the face). She pummeled the guy who was carrying her. Lone Stranger.


In honor of Chuck D. Computer's friend Sally, who hales from Baltimore, I watched Pink Flamingos, a true Psychotronic movie. Baltimorean John Waters produced, directed, wrote and filmed this in 1972 when it must have really shocked people. Even today it will gross out most viewers. It has something to offend everyone.

Divine, "the Filthiest Person Alive", lives with her mother Edie (the Egg Lady), son Crackers and blonde Cotton in a trailer. Their 'yard' has a pink flamingo, mirror ball and plastic chicken.
Connie (red hair) and hubby Raymond (blue hair) Marvel want to wrest the title of 'Filthiest Person' from Divine. Divine is up to the challenge.

What follows is pretty unbelievable shit (in more ways than one). I won't reveal any of the 'filth' so as not to 'spoil' the shocks for any of my readers, who might be daring enough to watch this. You won't soon forget it. Let's just say it's truly different, truly incredible and truly John Waters.

The music is decent and includes Little Anthony and the Imperials doing I'm Not A Juvenile Delinquent. We also hear The Girl Can't Help It, Happy, Happy Birthday Baby and the Trashmen doing Surfin' Bird (The Bird Is The Word).

Some Memorable Lines:

"As you know we run a baby ring…we sell the babies to lesbian couples."

"We were just wondering where you were going to spread your VD today, hussy."

"You're convicted of assholism."


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