Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Hot Club

Tom McGinn told me that Buddy Cianci can run for office again when he’s 73. That would be 5 years after his probation ends. That’s according to Rhode Island law. Tom was sure that Buddy would run again. Is that sick or what?

When I told Tom that Buddy would probably get elected again, he agreed. Frequent Flyer said, “He was a good mayor.” Tom noted that the day Buddy resigned from office, Cianci had a 64% approval rating. Frequent Flyer added, “Compare that to Obama!” Said Tom, “Compare it to anybody.”

Someone complained about the job Barack Obama was doing. Said Foot Joy, “All the people that complain about Obama and what he’s trying to do now, forget that he’s trying to correct the mess left by the people that the current complainers voted for.”

Foot Joy and I were talking about the Trouble Magnet, A-Rod. The ‘kissing the mirror’ photo and his dalliance with the NY Madam (He dated her! Now that’s a lonely guy!) Foot Joy pointed out that the Yankees would take Manny over A-Rod and the Red Sox would take Manny back rather than have A-Rod. I said that the Red Sox front office is probably wiping their brow that they didn’t succeed in their move to get A-Rod.

I added that Madonna right about now is probably wondering “Did that son-of-a bitch give me a sexually transmitted disease?” Foot Joy said that Madonna, given her history, might have passed something on to A-Rod. I thought Madonna might be more pristine.

Most cougars are mothers according to Frequent Flyer. “Well, the lion’s share”, said Frequent Flyer.

Foot Joy told me that when WEEI interviewed Tim Wakefield, Wake revealed that the Red Sox have a knuckleball machine and George Kottaras works with it a couple times a day. Helpful. Smart. Is Gary Tuck involved with that?

The Bear stopped by the Hot Club. He’s retired but just got another job teaching. The Bear was complaining about having to get up early to teach. I told the Bear, “I can feel for you, but I can’t reach you.”

Mike Module was talking about going out in a canoe and bringing beer along. Buff Steve suggested that might not be a good idea since The Module would be on an open river. That reminded me of the story about Ted Williams inviting Carl Yaz on a fishing trip. Yaz walked up to the boat with a cooler of beer. When Ted asked Yaz what was in the cooler, the serious fisherman told Yaz no beer on the trip. Yaz went home instead.

Friday, March 27, 2009

The Hot Club

Mr. D’s band Almond Joy had a great gig at the Volturno Club last Saturday. Sitting in at the Spring Fling was the Ohio Hitman, Ken Arnold. Besides adding his guitar to the mix, The Hitman did the vocals on Georgia Satellite’s Keep Your Hands To Yourself. We almost saw Mike Module sit in too, but he didn’t bring his guitar.

Buffalo Steve was in attendance at the Almond Joy concert, and informed me that when he Googled the Volturno Club to get directions, the Hot Club section of Sportzine was the first site to pop up. It was that mention of the gig in the last Zine. Ah the wonders of the Web!

In a conversation with Foot Joy, he pointed out that Manny’s new contract with the Dodgers has a player option for 2010. FJ said that if Manny opts out, LA can not offer Manny arbitration and would lose him with no compensation. I said it was stupid on the Dodgers part, stupid on owner Frank McCourt’s part. Foot Joy said, “You’re talking about somebody who hired Grady Little to manage the team after the Red Sox fired him.”

I mentioned that Patrick O’Bryant’s lasting impression on the Celtics was giving Brian Scalabrine a concussion in practice.

Friday the 13th Mr. D. noticed an amazing event – there were more women at the Hot Club than there were men. It was the first time since last summer.

Many of the women present were very tall. So I started humming “Short people got no reason to live.” Randy Newman, the great satirist, wrote Short People (and he’s short). Not everyone gets satire. Newman’s I Love LA was actually a slap at the city but they never understood that and used Newman’s song as a marketing tool.

I was discussing learning the pitfalls of having a cell phone with the ringer on. I was at a wake and walking up to the casket when my cell phone rang. I was mortified. Citizen Caroline observed: “You should be mortified at a wake.”

Mr. D. was singing J. Fred Wilson and the Playboys’ Judy in Disguise. Only he was singing Julie in Disguise. The Jules corrected him and made it Judy in Disguise.

Jokin’ Joe said that one of the best TV lines from the past was from Leave It To Beaver when Mrs. Cleaver told her husband, “Gee Ward, you were a little rough on the Beaver last night.”

Sportzine is also available at jimdawsonsports.com (Thanks Buffalo Steve).

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Hot Club

Mr. D.’s band Almond Joy is playing their Spring Fling Saturday March 21st at the Volturno Club (aka St. Anthony’s K of C) which is at 1 Volturno St. in North Providence (off Charles St.). Come on down and hear some good music. It starts about 8:00.

Who has a tattoo of one of the card suits on his ankle? And I was told that the Mayor of Providence has a dagger tattoo on his ankle.

The Wizard said that when he’s my age, then he will want a Toyota Camry too. Wiz says that the Camry is a ‘pepe car’.

The Wise Man said that when he was a teenager, he went to a Linda Ronstadt concert at Bryant. Wise went up on stage and kissed Ronstadt. He got hauled in by the cops. At the time there was no police station in North Smithfield nor in North Providence, so the cops dropped him off at the Providence line. Wise might have dodged the issue, but his friend ratted him out to his parents. Wise said his father ‘grounded him for life’. His dad said, “Go to your bedroom and don’t come out for the rest of your life.”

The Hot Club is like the Hotel California: you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. Friday Sandy and her husband Mike returned to the HC. Sandy looked great and said she was happy as a nurse at St. Anne’s Hospital in Fall River. Also spotted recently were Christine and Audrey.

The Wise Man used to have his kids watch the Celtics. When his daughter was 2, she wanted Larry Bird instead of Big Bird. When she was 4, she could name the starting lineup of the 1985 Celtics.

Preview of Coming Attractions: In the near future, there will be a Hot Club/Sportzine nicknames contest. Who’s who? How many do you know after reading the Zine all these years? Confidentiality will be maintained. There will be prizes. I will determine the winners based on the most correct answers. Fran asked me to help him raise money for the American Cancer Society (ACS). The entry fees ($5) will be donated to the ACS.

Fran wants to know where ‘the office’ sign is.

Patriot Pat said there’s something for migraines called ‘Head On’. It’s an over-the- counter medication that you put on your forehead and your headaches go away.

A writer called Manny the ‘clown prince’. Foot Joy said that’s disrespecting Max Patkin.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

The Hot Club

The Ornery Asshole told me that he never wanted to be called that. He said he wanted to be known as The Asshole Cook. He said he never had ‘ornery’, that I came up with that. He said what he wanted was very simple - to be called ‘The Asshole Cook’. Some things get lost in the mix. I told him “You might be stuck with Ornery Asshole.”

Overheard at the Hot Club: A woman is good if she can cook with or without a stove. Women that know all the restaurants are suspect as far as being good cooks. These women don’t make meals, they make reservations.

Jokin’ Joe said he came in to see the Wise Man on Wednesday night because Wise would be ‘the running man’ on Thursday.

We were talking about the movie Diner and Mickey Rourke’s great performance. Alexander the Grate recalled the popcorn box scene and the Silencer said, “Oh yeah. Ohh yeahhhh! Now I remember that scene.” I said, “Mickey Rourke has had a lot of facial surgery.” Said Alex, “The Bus hit him. The Bus of Life.”

Overheard at the Hot Club: the Wizard of the Web is known in some circles as ‘Q-Tip’or ‘Einstein’. I said, “Einstein is for the hair, right?” That was quickly seconded and thirded.

Citizen Caroline was late to arrive on Friday. Alexander the Great asked, “Where’s the Mighty C? Where’s the running Italian goddess?”

Augie added another musical favorite, a rockabilly group out of Colorado called Slim Cessna’s Auto Club. In our conversation Augie also revealed that Jake Nichols’ place Jake’s sadly is no longer in existence.

The Hot Club had changed its opening time from noon to 4 pm. Recently they revised opening time to 3 pm. Wise admitted that he got Eben to open up at 2 pm on Sunday so he could watch the PC-Rutgers game. Well, why not? Without Wise during the winter months, the Hot Club would be cold instead of cool.

Beau told me that Contraire proclaimed that I’m missing 80% of my Hot Club material because he’s not around. I pointed out to Beau that the Hot Club section of Sportzine has done quite well without Contraire.

Jackie worked Sunday and hubby John was there too. The TV showed the SNL skit in which Chris Walken demands that Will Ferrell play ‘More Cowbell’ on Blue Oyster
Cult’s Don’t Fear the Reaper. When the skit ended, John played Don’t Fear the Reaper.