The Hot Club

A Hot Club regular told me that before he got married, he totaled 12 cars, including a 280Z. He said he hit a tree near RISD, went thru the windshield and then came back into the car. The windshield ended up in the back seat. Our version of 'Crash' Corrigan has been married 19 years and has had no accidents in that time. Love conquers all (Crash).

Hooks is spending a lot of money renovating his condo (remember the $900 for toilets?). So he's either planning on selling or setting it up for his significant Sue.

Brendan said he wanted to stay at a new girlfriend's but she wouldn't let him. So he text messaged her that on the way home he had hit a dog and the dog's owners are suing him. The girlfriend felt badly for him. So badly, that he had to 'fess up to the truth that it didn't happen. Later he was out jogging and a dog bit him twice. Cosmic and karmic justice?

Wise said his daughter Alanna was out at a club with her boyfriend when she ran into Rocco Baldelli. Alanna, who attended Bay View, used to cheerlead for Bishop Hendricken when Baldelli went there. He remembered her and they talked for quite a while. I asked if her boyfriend was upset. No, he talked to Rocco's bodyguard/friend.

Louisiana Steve was muttering about Johnny Damon going to the Yankees. He said, "Damon is young, dumb and still full of come." I noted that 32 is old for a ballplayer.

Our best to Chrissie, our favorite indie actress, who is moving to Colorado we hear.

A guy asked for Scotch and the bartender asked him what kind of Scotch he liked. He responded, "All of them."

Chuck D Computer was just back from Baltimore. I asked him how the cobblestones were (he said he'd use them to crawl home). He said, "Belgian cobblestones."

Mr. D. said that after the plumber finished his basement bathroom, he downloaded some duty. Said he saluted it. Off to sea. Saluted by Admiral Halsey.

Above a Hot Club doorway there is a paddle with the inscription HCYC (Hot Club Yacht Club). There is a depiction of water, a fish, and a hand slowly sinking into the water.

Mr. D. asked Mike Module, who installs and fixes car stereos, if he has a good stereo system in his car. MM replied, "You mean like a cobbler with a hole in his shoe or a plumber with a leaky pipe?"

MOVIE REVIEWS - SAW II ('05)
Well my daughter was right as rain again when she said Saw II was even better than Saw. Saw II benefits from having the same co-script writer - Leigh Whannell. Saw II connects to its parent in various ways, including the return of Jigsaw/John Cramer (Tobin Bell).

At once similar to Saw - people in a room, racing against time - Saw II also adds a different element, which for plot purposes I will not reveal.

Saw II has the same claustrophobic quality of the original with the action taking place in two confined areas. The Twisted Nerve film was shot in Toronto, Ontario, but since it takes place 'inside', it could have been shot anywhere. They probably saved money shooting it in Canada.

There are plot twists that rival anything in Saw. And this picture keeps a move on while keeping you guessing.

For as Eli Roth, director of Hostel has noted, Saw and Saw II are 'puzzle' movies as much as they are horror flicks. You get to guess along with the tortured tenants. And there are pieces of this puzzle that will not be visible to most.

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman (who co-wrote the script), the movie includes some recognizable faces, including Mark Wahlberg's brother Donnie as police Lt. Eric Matthews. Glenn Plummer (The Day After Tomorrow) and Shawnee Smith (The Blob).

There is the usual dark humor with a revelation that the horror site is "the last house on the left". And the music, by Donald Clouser, is of the nerve jangling type that puts the viewer on edge.

The ending allows for Saw III (What, you're surprised?) If it's as good as this one, it will be a welcome sequel.

The Hot Club

Contraire, whom I haven't seen in awhile, said to me, "You're very knowledgeable. You can answer this question." So he had Brittan ask me the question: "Is there a law that you have to file taxes." So I said, "Yes."
Contraire immediately disagreed with me, and said, "You don't know what you're talking about. I know plenty of guys that haven't filed taxes." Naturally Contraire knows them. And if those "guys that haven't filed taxes" get caught, they'll be in big legal trouble.

About the time I told Mr. D. about Mr. Contraire's "question", Contraire came over to continue his counterattack. Mr. D. said, "As soon as you answered the first question, you were done."

Hooks was telling us all that the reason his significant Susan wasn't around was that she had gone to her nephew's "acid rock concert" in Boston. In sync, the Wise Man and Wild Bill asked Hooks if he had been invited. "No", he admitted. Foot Joy then asked Hooks, "Would you have gone if you dropped acid?"

A Naked City story: A guy asks a woman why she's messing around with a married man when she could be going out with him. He offers to give her his phone number. She replies, "I already have it: 1-800-Ass-Hole."

Corinna of Covina told me that Johnson & Wales' nickname used to be the Griffins. Now it's the Wildcats. I think I like Griffins a heck of a lot better. And Griffins would wipe out Wildcats.

Mike Module fixed my car radio. Now he's just repaired Mr. D.'s amplifier. If you need any electronics equipment fixed, you can contact Mike the Module Mechanic at this e-mail.

The Warden looked up at the sports on the HC TV and said, "I want less sports and more porn on TV." And the Warden said Mike K got a call from Zsa Zsa and she's helping his return to health.

Lovely Lisa was telling us that her mother's birthday was coming up (Feb. 5). When we told her that that was Super Bowl Sunday, LL said, "She'll have to wait a week."

Lisa showed us she could whistle. One wag offered that she could get crackerjacks at Fenway Park with that whistle. I said she could get more than that. Mr. D. recalled Lauren Bacall's advice to Bogart on how to whistle: "You just put your lips together and blow."

Our sincere condolences to Kevin, whose mother just passed away. It's never easy when a parent leaves us.

MOVIE REVIEWS - HOSTEL ('05)

This is very gory, very graphic and very good. The writer/director is Eli Roth who was born in Boston. Roth's first film was Cabin Fever in '02. While I liked Cabin Fever, this movie is much better. Some young bucks head to a hostel in the Czech Republic, in pursuit of babes and bacchanalia. They get that and much more.

The movie evokes memories of The Most Dangerous Game (1932). But Hostel goes for the jugular when its hostile 'hunters' extract their pounds of flesh. In graphic close-ups. This film is not for the squeamish. But it delivers the goods - severe shocks to the sensory system. Horror fans will not be disappointed. The FX are by KNB, one of the best.

The film was shot in Prague, the Czech Republic. A lot of the male extras are beefy, brutal-looking behemoths. The women are beautiful, including director Roth's girlfriend, Barbara Nedeljakova, who plays Natalya.

We meet Oli, the King of Swing, plus a Dutchman who likes to work with his hands, and street kids who want a handout. We're also taught a lesson on the importance of learning another language. Quentin Tarantino lent a hand. Hostel should be a big hit. My daughter Cara said it was sold out when she went and so she saw Wolf Creek instead. Cara did not like Wolf Creek, which she found slow at first and then 'disgusting'. But I'll save my thoughts until I see it.

A visit to the Hostel website at IMBd.com revealed this: "Eli Roth asked the President of Iceland for an official pardon for making Icelanders look like drunken sex maniacs with the character of Oli. The president laughed and gave Roth the pardon, saying it represented a side of Icelanders not shown in movies."

The Showcase Cinema where I saw Hostel (North Attleboro, MA.) had a poor soundtrack that interfered at times with hearing the dialogue. I considered complaining but having paid $3.50 as a senior discount, I let it go. Interestingly, all the previews were of the horror genre - V for Vendetta, Final Destination 3, When A Stranger Calls (a re-make), Hard Candy and See No Evil.
Talk about target marketing!

Read the following only after seeing the movie:
In an interview at Horrorchannel.com, Eli Roth was asked where the idea for Hostel came, Roth replied:
"I’ll tell you where it started. It started with a conversation with Ain’t It Cool News’ Harry Knowles. Harry and I were talking about sick stuff we’d seen on the Internet, like that the guy in Texas who set it up so you could control a gun and hunt lions and wild game online. The FBI had shut this guy down. I think his legal defense was that he was making it so handicapped people could hunt, too. It was so f--ked up (laughs).

I thought, 'Jesus. Why wouldn’t they just put a human being in a room?” and Harry said, “Well, actually I found something like that' and he sent me a link to a site where you could go to Thailand and for ten thousand dollars, walk into a room and shoot somebody in the head.

The site claimed that the person you were killing had signed up for it and that part of the money would go to their family because they were so broke and were gonna die anyways. It was to give you the thrill of taking another human life. So we said, “Is this Bullshit? Is this real?” it looked real. But you know what, it doesn’t matter. Whether this place exists or not is not important."

The Hot Club

As we approached the Hot Club, I remarked to Mr. D. how the fog was making visibility tough. Mr. D. said, "The rats can't see. Three blind rats."

Don't know what's going on with the younger generation but the HC cook was wearing a T-shirt that read 'Nuke and Pave'.

Sue, Hooks' significant friend, said she is a germaphobic. She said she uses something on doorknobs or lets someone else open the door. The Lovely Lisa added that she doesn’t like it when people put something into the dip rather than taking some dip separately. LL said her parents call her the 'Food Police'.

So I mentioned that Howard Hughes was fanatical about using Kleenex tissues to pass everything and that didn't help him any. I asked the parties at hand if they'd share their toothbrush. Sue said absolutely not. Mr. D. replied, "Depends on who it is." The Lovely Lisa responded that if you had had sex with the guy it was OK.

We wondered if neatnik Hooks would let anyone use his toothbrush. Mr. D. figured Hooks had a toothbrush for every week. I said, "One for each day."

Foot Joy told me he was glad to hear that I listened to him. I told Foot Joy what Grampa Cullen used to say; "I do but thousands wouldn't."

Mr. D. was talking to Takedown Tommy. Takedown referred to this guy that they both knew as a "Dapper Dan". Mr. D. said that his friends called the guy 'Uno' because he had only one ball. Uno lost one, Mr. D. said, while working at the pizzeria when the bun remover hit him. Mr. D. added that eventually the guy lost the other ball too and was called 'Zorch'.

Chuck D Computer was saying that he had a female friend who lived in Bozeman, Montana, and enjoyed when his travels took him there. Mr. D. said Chuck had a 'boner in Bozeman'.

Buffalo Steve said he really enjoyed my recent bit on movie director Howard Hawks. Buff Steve said he always pictures "Howard Hawks' The Thing", the original Thing (not the John Carpenter remake) with James Arness as the alien. Hawks was the producer of the 1951 movie and Christian Nyby was the director. The actual title was The Thing from Another World.

The Hot Club

Mr. D. asked Doc Proc to go to the Louisville - PC game Saturday night. It was on opposite the Jags-Pats game. Proc turned down the ticket at first but then decided to go for the 1st half of the game. Mr. D. said that the real scoop is that Proc changed his mind.

Hooks admitted that he spent $900 for new toilets in his condo. Somehow he saw this as a gift for girlfriend Sue. But she wasn't buying it. Not even if the toilets had heart shaped seats for Valentine's Day.

The Falcon, who has been missing these many months, swooped back into the HC over the holidays. From his coat he proceeded to pull a bag of Hershey's kisses, an Andreas Bocelli CD, and a $10,000 Iranian note. He bought the currency for $7 on the Internet. He then sold it to the Wise Man for $10.

Contraire was reading a newspaper - The National Contrarian. Naturally.

A woman who breeds horses stopped by. She told Mr. D. and me about the dangers of breeding stallions. She said that you never know what you'll get with a stallion and likened it to not knowing what kind of sex you're going to have with a new partner.

Calamity Jane said she is often worried that the 1500-pound stallions will kill her mares. And you can't come between the stallion and his mare. Calamity said that once her lover grabbed her by the hair and yanked hard. She backhanded him across the face. Just instinct, she said.

She remembered an one-eyed stallion that was having trouble mounting a mare. The one-eyed horse had no depth perception and kept missing the mare. They had to help put Ole One Eye in - about 12 times before he finally succeeded. As soon as the stallion came, it passed out, keeling over with its feet in the air.

Calamity has a friend from U Mass days that is a pig ejaculator. She uses an Electro-Jack.
We were talking about the Christmas parties that the HC regulars used to attend every year.
Contraire planned them. 5 Angels said, "Yeah, it's the only thing he ever did right."

And our sincere condolences to Jesse (Sue Murphy's son) who lost his friend Bailey just before Christmas when she was struck by a car. Bailey was in Amistad and several Trinity Rep plays. Bailey was only 23.

MOVIE REVIEWS - HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES (2002)

This is a movie written and directed by rock musician Rob Zombie. It is his first effort and a pretty damn good one at that. There are memorable characters like Captain Spaulding (horror vet Sid Haig), Baby (Sheri Moon aka Mrs. Rob Zombie), and certainly Otis (Bill Moseley). Throw in some moldy oldies like Karen Black (Mother Firefly) and Michael J. Pollard (Stucky) and you have the ingredients for a huge helping of horror.

Zombie also did the music (with Scott Humphrey) and contributes both original razorwire rhythms and oddball inclusions like Frank Ifield's I Remember You, the Commodores' Brick House and the Betty Boopish I Wanna Be Loved By You.

Zombie's movie is highly derivative owing much to Texas Chain Saw Massacre (the House even reminds you of the one in Texas), Motel Hell and Hershel Gordon Lewis' 10,000 Maniacs. But at the same time, this film carves out its own place in the halls of horror.

You won't soon forget Captain Spaulding and his Museum of Monsters and Madmen, 'Fish Boy', the corridor of corpses or Halloween at the House. New meaning is also given to "Who's your Daddy?" and "Showtime".

The movie has an abundance of sick humor as well as that netherworld feel of not knowing what will happen next. If you care to visit, the movie is only 88 minutes long. That actually seemed just right. And it was well received so there is already a sequel: The Devil's Rejects. That film is already on my mental list of upcoming sick delights.

HELLBOY (2004)

This entry from director Guillermo del Toro (Devil's Backbone and Blade 2) is a fun flick with interesting comic book characters created by Mike Mignola.

Ron Perlman is the cigar-chompin', wise-crackin', fire red Hellboy. Perlman, who has made a living working in the horror genre, was also in Alien Resurrection and City of Lost Children, both by director Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Here he teams with Sparky the Fire Girl (Selma Blair), Professor Broom (John Hurt) and Abe Sapien (aka Fishstick) to save the world from Grigori Rasputin (Karel Rodin), who is trying to open a portal to the 7 Gods of Chaos.

Jeffrey Tambor plays a FBI man assisted by Agents Clay, Lime, Moss, Quarry and Stone.
The makeup is by FX wizard Rick Baker. The tone is light and humorous and well worth a look. The movie has some great villains and is good enough to generate a few sequels.