The Hot Club

THE HOT CLUB

The Boud and his wife The Boudess visited the Hot Club and they were with Jack and Lori Lyle. Jack and Lori met at the Hot Club 24 years ago (back when there was just the inner bar and one on the water side where the booths used to be). So it was Jack and Lori’s anniversary – October 10. And this anniversary, it was 10/10/10. Bravo! The Hot Club, where you can check out but you can never leave.



And The Boud and Boudess met on 10/9. 29 years ago. They met at Harbourside. I said ‘Lobstermania’. And the Suit was there too, in from the West Coast.



Peter, the Keeper of the Gate at the HC, was there last Wednesday with Annette. The two had just tied the knot. The Zine wishes them a joyful marriage. Peter and Annette will soon repeat the nuptials in Guatemala.



Annette hadn’t bestowed her bouquet on anyone. So she dashed to the bar’s half door and tossed the bouquet to Kelley, who caught it with great grace and aplomb.



According to Peter, Annette’s parents named her after Annette Funicello because her family liked to watch The Mouseketeers.



Ernie, Contraire and I were talking about NFL picks and we were on the Raiders – 49ers game. Josh (Peter’s brother) innocently asked, “Oh is that game being played in the Bay area?” We paused for a minute and then realized Josh got us all. He zinged us.



Asked Contraire whether he’d take the Vikings or the Cowboys. Contraire said to take the Vikings because the Cowboys were playing like ‘Cowgirls’.



I mentioned that Contraire was a Psych major at RIC. FootJoy said Contraire was “a psycho at RIC.”



Alexander the Grate was sipping a scotch named ‘Red Breasts’. I asked him who made it. ‘Heineken’, he said. Red Breasts? Guess that would put some color in your cheeks.



Chuck D. said that there are two things that happen to you when you get older. One is that your memory starts going. And what the f*** is the other one?



Buffalo Steve and I were talking about genius comics. Steve and I agreed on Jerry Seinfeld and he added Bob Newhart, Mort Sahl and Lenny Bruce. For me I had to mention Steve Allen (the first late night show) and Ernie Kovacs, a TV visionary.

The Hot Club

THE HOT CLUB

WHERE HEARTS ARE ON FIRE
BUT IT’S NEVER TOO HOT

FOR THE DEVIL MAY CARE

575 South Water Street

Providence, RI


I asked where the Herbster was and someone said he was at Faberge, a private club. I recalled Groucho Marx’s line “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”



Sovereign Caroline was telling me how to contact her when Alexander the Grate quipped, “www.leopardskindress.com.”



Jimmy Chelo said he met a woman in a coffee shop and used the expression ‘helluva coincidence’. She didn’t believe that you could put an adjective in front of ‘coincidence’. I agreed with him that you could and ‘helluva coincidence’ worked for me. Jimmy said if he ran into the woman again in downtown Bagdad, wouldn’t that be a ‘helluva coincidence’?



Alexander the Grate agreed with me about the smallness of the Hot Club men’s room. However Alex said that the HC WC was more like a ‘broom closet’.



Mike Module noted to me that some times you take the elevator and sometimes you take the shaft. The elevator is always smooth.



Robert Palmer’s Addicted to Love was playing on the HC jukebox. When it got to the refrain in Addicted to Love, Jokin’ Joe said, “You might as well face it, your dick is a glove.” Joe said it was like “Scuse me while I kiss this guy” for Hendrix’ ‘kiss the sky’. I told Joe that there is a word for that – Chuck D told me about it - a mondegreen.



Herb said to tell everyone he’s taking a truck to a large antique radio flea market (Near Fest in Deerfield, NH). Anyone with old radios who is interested, Herb will sell ’em for you. You’ll need to call him by Thursday though. You can contact Herb at 640-5389.



Kelley revealed that she is one of the Narragansett dancing girls who promote the beer. I was looking for the new Narragansett Oktoberfest beer but the HC does not have it yet. Kelley said her boyfriend, who works at Trinity, was the brew master who oversaw Narragansett’s Oktoberfest.



The Hot Club as Hotel California: Lizzie was seen sans multi-colored hair and Cementhead made a brief appearance though he left after he was spotted.



I mentioned about Brett Favre being accused of playing around. Kenny, Son of Vince, said they all do it. Whether they have girlfriends or wives. Women in every city. They are rock n’ roll stars playing sports.

The Hot Club

THE HOT CLUB

WHERE HEARTS ARE ON FIRE
BUT IT’S NEVER TOO HOT

FOR THE DEVIL MAY CARE

575 South Water Street

Providence, RI



















THE HOT CLUB

That noted ornithologist and observer of chicks, ‘Birdman’, watched a well-endowed woman walk by and commented “Nice rack.” Mike Module observed that ‘Birdman’ had just had a ‘Rack Attack’.



The Hot Club has a new sign atop the building. It replaces one that just said ‘Hot’. Doorman Marty provided the historical perspective. The original sign did say ‘Hot Club’, but the ‘Club’ part fizzled out and was lain on its side for 15 years. As a result you just saw ‘Hot’. Marty said that the guy that put in the new sign met his wife at the Hot Club.



There was an Internet link last week (via NESN!) re the Toucher and Rich show on 98.5 The Sports Hub. Mentioned it to Foot Joy but he hadn’t stooped to follow it. ‘Rich’ was at a Celtics press conference and asked DelonteWest if he indeed was dating LeBron James’ mother. Someone can be heard screaming ‘basketball questions only’. Delonte did not answer the query. In their intro to the bit, Toucher and Rich noted that there is a T-shirt in Cleveland that says ‘LeBron is heading South, but his Mother is still riding West’.



When the Red Sox were eliminated from playoff contention, I asked Foot Joy and the Wise Man “Who do we root for in the playoffs?” Wise was as perplexed as I was while FJ said “Minnesota”. I pointed out the Twins have a terrible record against the Yankees, and have not beaten NY in the playoffs. So is it Texas with ex-BoSox David Murphy?



On a similar note, Marty spoke of how the Buffalo Bills always lost in the playoffs. I recalled them losing 3 years in a row (it was 4!) with Jim Kelly as the QB. However I pointed out to Marty that the Bills had won the AFL championship before the NFL-AFL merger. QB Jack Kemp led the Bills to a title. A check of my ESPN Sports Almanac shows that the Bills won the AFL Championship in 1964 and 1965.



The Hot Club as Hotel California: Stevie Saucepans was back in the house last week and Theda Bara Sara got married on the deck Sunday. In fact, Wendy, once an HC server, was at Sara’s wedding. Congratulations to Red Sox fan Sara and her spouse Russ.



Fleet Feet Pete recalled a time in 2004 when the Red Sox were not playing well. Several Sox including Garciaparra, Varitek, Pedro and Lowe were all in contract years. Fleet Feet said he was in a bar and a Boston fan asked him what the Sox should do. The Fleet One said, “I’d keep Varitek and I’d buy the Minnesota Twins.”



Dr. John and I were talking about URI’s rare win over Brown in football. Dr. John said that in a past year when URI was beating Brown, the Brown rooting section chanted, “That’s alright. That’s OK. You’re going to work for us some day.” John said they also had a cheer for the defense: “Give me a B. Give me an R. Give me an A. What have you got? BRA. Hold’em. Hold’em.”

The Hot Club

THE HOT CLUB

WHERE HEARTS ARE ON FIRE
BUT IT’S NEVER TOO HOT

FOR THE DEVIL MAY CARE

575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

























THE HOT CLUB

A regular rocker was with a woman when they started searching beneath the table for something. I asked them what they were looking for and the woman said “My eye.” I said, “Oh you lost your contact?” She said, “No, I lost my eye. I lost my false eye.” I wasn’t sure if she really meant it. Later, The Rocker told me she was only kidding.



There was a show on the HC TV about Chinese food. They were using the very hot red Chinese chili peppers. 80 times hotter than jalapeños. CJ was still willing to try it and wondered just how hot the food could be. Beau told CJ “You’d know if after you took a dump. You’d have to pat it. You wouldn’t even be able to wipe it.”



Buffalo Steve was wearing a T-shirt that said ‘Stay thirsty my friend’. We then discussed the Dos Equis ad with the aging actor and how successful it is. Fleet Feet Pete then filled us in on how effective the Gecko has been for GEICO and the duck for AFLAC.



Alexander the Grate saw my 500th photo of the Hot Club men’s room fixtures and said, “This guy’s a pisser. Urine Al”.



We were wondering what the boat was that was visible through the Hurricane Barrier openings. Dr. John told us it was a ‘liberty ship’ commissioned during World War II. The ‘liberty ships’ were boxy and cheap. Dr. John said that the US built the liberty ships faster than the Germans could sink them.



So as luck would have it, Jimmy Chelo and Mario strolled by and they had just taken a tour of the liberty ship that we were observing, the ‘John Brown’. So I had them talk to Dr. John about the liberty ship. They immediately started talking about the ‘gun tubs’.



At the end of the conversation, I pointed to the white boat and said “So that’s a liberty ship.” They said no, no, not the white one, the grey one behind it.



That led to Mario and I talking about WW II German battleships and the Bismarck and Graf Spee came up. Mario said that the Germans didn’t protect the rudder and propeller area of the ships. They thought that it could only take a lucky hit to disable them, but that’s what happened with the Bismarck. It ended up going around in circles after being hit. I thought of the Johnny Horton song, Sink the Bismarck.

The Hot Club

THE HOT CLUB

WHERE HEARTS ARE ON FIRE
BUT IT’S NEVER TOO HOT

FOR THE DEVIL MAY CARE

575 South Water Street

Providence, RI


















THE HOT CLUB

It was fun to pass out the 500th issue of Sportzine and the special commemorative Hot Club edition with trivia and photos. Some of the ‘Usual Suspects’ wondered why they weren’t among the photos, but I took the pix back in August of 2002.



Bags has the most correct answers on the Trivia contest (so far). Karen, Broc’s Significant Other, couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just give her the answers to the Trivia. Karen, just ask Contraire or Bags.



When I showed Beau his picture and Broc’s in the commemorative Hot Club edition, Beau responded, “Awesome Dawson.”



Big Kenny, seeing the Hot Club Special, said, “The print is getting bigger. You must be getting older.”



Contraire even came up to me and asked for another copy of the Hot Club special edition. Then I found out it was because he wanted some scratch paper.



Mike Module was talking to Fleet Feet Pete and said something that was Zine worthy. When I asked him to repeat it, he couldn’t (or wouldn’t). It was not in the moment any more said the Module. I asked him, “You can’t help me here? You can’t butcher it like I normally would in repeating it?” Mike said it wasn’t that Zine worthy any way. I told him, “Let me be the judge of that.”



Roy was talking about people who think that the world will end soon – on December 21, 2012. Roy said it was based on the Mayan calendar. Fleet Feet Pete said that they’ve found that using the Mayan calendar that that date has already occurred.



Later Roy was trying to dry his hands in the men’s room, but he couldn’t find the infra red area on the towel dispenser to make it work. When Roy did locate it, I said, “You found it. You found the G spot.”



One of the ‘Usual Suspects’, Mike, told me he went to Merrimack. While there, he said Hugh Millen was the QB for the Patriots. I told him that those were the bad old days of Dick MacPherson and owner Victor Kiam (and Lisa Olsen vs. Zeke Mowatt).



So Merrimack Mike told me someone didn’t finish their drink. In fact, it was a full one that was untouched, so Merry Mike took it and drank it. Merrimack Mike said, “There are

sober children in China. It’s like throwing away food, right?”

The Hot Club

THE HOT CLUB

WHERE HEARTS ARE ON FIRE
BUT IT’S NEVER TOO HOT

FOR THE DEVIL MAY CARE

575 South Water Street

Providence, RI























THE HOT CLUB

The Jules asked Jimmy Chelo if he were going to have a hookah bar. When I heard it, I thought she asked him if he were going to have a ‘hooker bar’. The hearing is going too.



We were using the WC and I told Ernie that you don’t really buy beer, you rent it as I made my return. The Earnest One said “This is the used beer department.”



The Cisco Kid was in town. He said that he had a Stan Lee autographed original Spiderman comic book. He got Stan Lee to sign it at Edwards Auditorium after Lee gave a lecture at URI. It would be worth a lot more if it were in better condition, he said. Then Cisco added, “Well, the staples are still intact.”



So I told Cisco about being at the Avon Theatre and getting Bill Russell’s autograph on a book he had just written. Bags had saved me a place in line. So he was in front of me when Russell signed the book for Bags. It was to be ‘To Michael’. Bags kept up a steady stream of chatter with Russ as he signed it. It came out ‘To Michale".



The Cisco Kid said he also had Iron Man comics. Then he mentioned that he had the original Ant Man. Ant Man? Is his Achilles’ heel Anteater Man?



The Hot Club as Hotel California: This week we spotted Nathaniel Poe and his good friend Steve, who is a master of graphics.



Alexander the Great was walking behind me and I heard him say “Nice sausages!” He was speaking to Dave of the Grill who was opening a new box of sausages. ‘Nice sausages.”



The Grate One is off to do some fishing in Spruce Head, Maine. Alex said it was near Thomaston and Rockland. Hope Alex catches whatever he’s fishing for.



A woman bumped into a seated Contraire. She started apologizing for bumping into him. Contraire told her it was OK and then added, “As long as you hit me in the right spots.”



Cisco was talking excitedly about a book he had read by Daniel Pinchbeck. The book is called Breaking Open the Head.



Dr. John and I were talking about attending Catholic schools. Buffalo Steve said he went to a school that had Protestants and Catholics and they got released from school. Yes, I remembered - for Released Time Religious Instructions.

Sportzine is also available at jimdawsonsports.com (Thanks Buffalo Steve)