Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Hot Club



575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

Fran introduced me to Stacey who had a question. Her dad kept calling Papelbon chinko ocho and she didn’t know what it meant. I said that was Papelbon’s number (58) in Spanish. However it’s cinco not chinko. Stacey knew the correct Spanish for 58 (cincuenta ocho). I forgot to tell her about the football connection - Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals calls himself ocho cinco for his jersey number (85). Correct Spanish (I think) for 85 is ochenta cinco.

Foot Joy recalled ‘Marvelous Marv’ Throneberry who played for the 1962 NY Mets. Casey Stengal came out to argue when Throneberry was called out for missing 2B on a triple. Stengal’s 1B coach yelled to him “Don’t bother. He missed first base too.” Foot Joy also recalled Marv Throneberry’s brother Faye, who played for the Boston Red Sox.

Captain John gave Contraire a hard time because he had dropped the Sportzine on the floor. Son of a Son of a Sailor said that Contraire wasn’t showing the Zine any respect.

We were watching the Red Sox Game #1 vs. Toronto. Contraire said he was rooting for the Red Sox to win so that he could bet against them in Game #2.

Contraire actually ventured out of Providence and went to Warwick (the Mall of course). He went to see The Falcon. But Contraire wouldn’t tell me what the Falcon was doing at the Mall. Contraire said that The Falcon pointed out Mr. D.’s brother to him. I told Contraire “Mr. D. doesn’t have a brother.”

I told Contraire about being in the Air Force but getting to go to Copenhagen. It was during the Vietnam War era (1969). We went into a conditerei and they wouldn’t serve us. After waiting about 20 minutes we left. Contraire said, “You should have bombed them.”

“I have a low tolerance for patience.” That’s what Obasi told me that Contraire had said the previous night. Buffalo Steve said “That’s what my doctor says, ‘I have a low tolerance for patients.’ ”

It was Tuesday night at the HC, time for the Trivia Contest. Turns out Obasi has won the last two weeks. Going for three. I left before finding out whether Obasi won again.

The last time the Wizard had his hair cut was October of 1993. I was horrified. The Wiz said, “Your hair only grows so long and stops.” I expressed disbelief. Said the Wiz, “If that weren’t true, your eyebrows would be down to your knees.”

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Hot Club

Charlie Clancy said that you can bury him in a David Ortiz shirt (but not before your time, right Charlie?). Charlie respects David Ortiz and believes he’ll recover. Me too.

Charlie also said that baseball in his lifetime has changed. Starting pitchers went 8 or 9 innings. Now some starters are considered good if they get to the 7th and give up 3 runs or less (a quality start). We recalled pitchers like Warren Spahn and Sandy Koufax throwing 300 innings. I noted that Foot Joy feels Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan contributed by using relief pitchers early and situationally.

Congratulations to ex-Hot Club bartender Desi, who according to my source, is expecting. Her significant other, Chef Eric Woolf, recently bought Loie Fuller from Mike Sears. We wish Desi a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery and best wishes to the expectant couple.

Buffalo Steve thinks I look too white. Steve said I looked like I just came out of the crypt. Which of course led us to discuss the great TV horror series, Tales From The Crypt.

Mike Module was telling us about his gig with Mr. D.’s band Almond Joy at Patrick’s Pub. There were good reports about the Module’s insertion which augmented the always solid sonics of the band. Mike said “They put me to work.” I said “They’re going to make an honest man out of you.” “I wouldn’t go that far”, said Stevie Saucepan.

Fleet Feet Pete pointed out that one of the Orlando Magic, Rafer Alston I believe, kissed a bald ref on the side of the head. I felt that in a different day, Alston would have been thrown out of the game. Fleet Feet Pete said that in a different era, Alston would have been thrown out of the league.

I told Fleet Feet Pete that a friend of mine thinks Jim Rice is gay. Pete didn’t think Rice was gay, just “socially retarded”.

Fleet Feet Pete observed a Friday night femme fatale with long legs and opined, “Those are a pair of legs that rise out of the ground and make a perfect ass out of themselves.”

My brother Brad was in from Asheville, NC, on a visit. I introduced Brad to Dr. John and told him Brad was my brother. Dr John said to Brad, “And you admit it?

I was telling Citizen Caroline that my companion Victoria says that I don’t hear all of what she says. Caroline said, “Do you think that’s unusual for your gender?”

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Hot Club



575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

Monday (May 11) is Patti’s 22nd anniversary working at the Hot Club. It is also her birthday. She’s not telling me which one though. Happy Birthday and congratulations to Patti. Salute the Grande Dame (GD) of the Hot Club! Patti took over from Sandy as the GD of the HC.

Jokin’ Joe told us about a guy who went to a doctor because of a strange condition – the guy’s penis had turned orange. Doc asked him what he did with his spare time. The guy said he had just got divorced so he spent a lot of time watching porn movies and eating cheese doodles.

The Wizard said that if you call 1-800-555-8355, it’s a free number where you can get stock quotes, sports scores, etc. How do they make their money? He doesn’t know. However he’s been using it for years.

I saw a man bring drinks to his buddy’s table. Then the drink bearer gave his buddy the change back from the drinks. It made me think of the expression “I’ll fly, if you buy.” I told Mr. D. that you don’t hear that saying much anymore.

A custom made suit in an off-the-rack world. What does it mean? Ask Alexander the Grate. He said it. I think it comes from a M*A*S*H episode.

So I asked Citizen Caroline if she wanted a drink and she said “No”. So I asked “How about some punch?” and kiddingly showed her my fist. Citizen Caroline said, “How about a knuckle sandwich?” I showed her both my fists and told her what my Grandpa, Jim Cullen, used to say, showing his left fist and then his right, “Do you want 6 weeks in the hospital or sudden death?”

Foot Joy was talking about broadcaster Bob Starr, who when talking about the baseball player John Jaha said that if he played in the winter league, Jaha would be Juan HaHa.

Foot Joy also pointed out that Bob Montgomery, who didn’t make a lot of on-air gaffes, once called Kirby Puckett, Cubby Pirkett. From then on he was Cubby Pirkett to FJ.

Mike Module’s sister Liz once worked at the front desk of the downtown Marriott (Orms St.). Johnny Cash came in to register. She said he was very cordial and asked her if she wanted tickets to his show. So Liz got to see Johnny Cash at the Warwick Tent. Liz said that Henry Winkler, the Fonz, was just the opposite. Full of himself. A pain in the ass.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The Hot Club

I met a guy whose father used to be a Providence policeman. The guy uses the same gym as ex-Patriot Patrick Pass and told me that Pass wants to become a Providence cop.

Made the mistake of telling Contraire that I was going to Asheville, North Carolina. Said Contraire, “If we’re lucky, they’ll keep you.”

Easy Ed wouldn’t shake hands with me because of the swine flu scare. “I’m scared. I want to protect myself”, he said (kiddingly). I told Easy Ed, “Just don’t shake hands with any swine.”

Contraire said that David Ortiz was all done. Foot Joy told Contraire that he was all done. Contraire told Foot Joy “You’re going to be all done on the grill.”

Later we found out why the Red Sox 11-game win streak ended – Contraire jinxed them by betting on them the night the streak ended.

Foot Joy is not real fond of an organization called Skate for Joy which teaches inner city youngsters how to ice skate. Think of those poor kids having a chance to skate. “With a big smile on their face”, said Wise Man. It might keep one kid out of trouble. Foot Joy wasn’t buying it. Wise told Foot Joy he sounded like Contraire. “Those are fighting words”, said FJ.

Contraire is always trying to start trouble. He said that he hoped the Red Sox got swept. Wise, Foot Joy and I pointed out that the Red Sox won the first game of the series so they couldn’t get swept. So Contraire said, “I hope they get swept from here on in.”

Lizzy the bartender said that she has a basketball signed by Rajon Rondo which will be raffled off ($1 a ticket) for the benefit of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. See Liz.

Foot Joy and I came up with a brilliant idea for a new product – Jack Daniels popsicles. We told the Wise Man we just needed some financial backing from him to fund the idea. Wise told us what we could do with our popsicles.

Mr. D said that there should be a Steroids Hall of Fame. He also suggested a Gamblers’ Hall of Fame for Pete Rose.

Sportzine is also available at jimdawsonsports.com (Thanks Buffalo Steve).