Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Hot Club

Avery was talking with Foot Joy about a recent criminal who, after being caught by the cops, committed suicide. Foot Joy was trying to explain the situation to Avery when Contraire told Avery: “Don’t listen to him. He gives out misinformation.” Then Contraire looked at me, smiled and said, “I’m being contrary.”

Later Contraire was expounding on sports. I said Contraire is a ‘sports anal-yst’.

Dr. John said that he saw one of his favorite tee shirts in Vail, Colorado. The tee read “If God wanted Texans to ski, he’d have made bullshit white.”

Contraire brought in some LPs of Ike and Tina Turner. The Warden asked Contraire: “How much do you want to pay me to take those albums? Said Contraire, “Two broken legs.”

Sunday night a bevy of beauties were celebrating Jackie and John Dempsey’s engagement. Meghan and Jen Riley were among the celebrants. Jackie was there with her sisters Amanda and Lauren as well as a fourth sister whose name I didn’t get. Their mother Joanne was there too. It seemed like everyone had a good time. Our best wishes to Jackie and John for a healthy and loving future together.

Jokin’ Joe is the only guy that can bring a knife into the Hot Club, and they applaud him for doing so. The knife is for clam shucking.

Sean told me that Frank’s Red Hot is great on popcorn, especially cheese popcorn. Beau seconded that emotion.

A song was playing on the jukebox. Contraire said he liked the song. I asked him what the title was. He didn’t know. I asked him who the artist was. He didn’t know. It was Marvin Gaye doing Got To Give It Up. I told Contraire who said: “Who the hell cares!”

When Contraire saw me enter the Hot Club, he said: “Here come the sports lies.”

Jokin’ Joe wore a tee shirt that read, “Life is sudden death overtime and the clock is ticking”.

The Hot Club is the Hotel California: Good to see long-time doorman Russ back for a visit. And Alexander the Grate returned from 2 weeks in England and Scotland. Now where the hell is Paul Lancia and The Victor?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Hot Club

The Warden said “The Hawk and the Rabbit.” What did he mean? Some guy latched onto Contraire’s ear Saturday at the HC, and was back on Sunday looking for the Contrary One, who couldn’t get away from the Hawk. That would make Contraire the Rabbit.

A blonde strolled in Sunday night looking for CJ. She was gone to the deck in a flash, passing by Foot Joy in the process. She was wearing a black dress with black boots. When she returned to the first bar, the puzzlement was solved: It was Rusty wearing a blonde wig.

A man said to another man, “I like your moustache. It’s very attractive.” Responded the object of desire, “Don’t go there or you’re going in the water.”

Mr. D. always comments that the new help on the deck always have different footwear. In the past we had Kathryn with her red or green shoes. Friday we had Jackie wearing polka dot sandals.

Beau wore a T-shirt that read ‘Grow Up’.

The Hot Club is like the Hotel California - you can check out any time, but you can never leave. Recently spotted (on the same night) were Christina who tended bar and Kevin who worked the door.

And among previous regulars, the Jack of Fire is back but lately he’s been more smoldering than blazing.

A card player that Contraire frequently plays and beats recently had serious surgery. Contraire told the guy that he was glad the surgery went well. Contraire then told his buddy the card player, “I couldn’t afford to lose you.”

A woman was talking about a man getting a divorce. I said that you don’t want to be the first person to date someone who just got divorced. She said, “Yeah let him get done with the whore bags first.”

We were talking about two women who used to frequent the HC in the summer. One was tall and the other a shorter version. Beau remembered them and said of the short one, “She had a little thing for me.” In the background Randy Newman’s You Can Leave Your Hat On was playing.

Sportzine is also available at jimdawsonsports.com

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The Hot Club

Happy Birthday to Mr. D. (7/1), Pucky (7/6), Citizen Caroline (7/5) and me (7/5).

5 Angels was appalled that Wiz thought Richard Simmons should play him in Hot Club, The Movie. 5 Angels opined that Wiz looks like Jerry Garcia’s grandfather.

Contraire left early Sunday night. I asked Foot Joy if he said something to Contraire. FJ said, “No, but I’ve been trying to come up with something for a while.”

Frequent Flyer recently made up 8 T-shirts for me with the Sportzine logo (thanks Tom that was great). When I saw FF Sunday he suggested making up some more but with the Hot Club ad on the back. FF thought we could sell them for money (which is just as good as cash). We’re trying to get Wes’ Rib House on it too. A pig on the sleeve?

Frequent Flyer said he made up a T-shirt for himself that says ‘I’m not a gynecologist but I’ll take a look.’

Neither High Wire Bill nor Foot Joy knew the score of the Euro Soccer Championship game Sunday. In fact FJ didn’t know it was going on. Only the Warden and I knew that Spain faced Germany on Sunday. Football!

The Warden said he heard a guy’s girlfriend ask him to take her out to some place expensive. So the guy took his girlfriend to a gas station.

Chuck D. was referring to how small Rhode Island is. Said Chuck, the saying is: “I know him. I went to bed with his sister.”

The Red Sox were losing, and Contraire was looking to start trouble. So he told Mary to ask the Wise Man what the score of the game was. Mary said, “I’m not falling for that!”

Contraire, by the way, told me that the reason he said that the Hot Club needed to get rid of the regulars is because he doesn’t consider himself a regular. We agreed – he’s irregular.

Broc came up to me and said, “Hi, how are you? Glad to see you.” He was almost modeling as he said this. Finally he pointed out that he had a silver projectile sticking out of the fly of his pants. No one had noticed the silver cigar tube protruding from his privates. Well, it’s Broc!