The Hot Club

Katherin told Becky that she hadn’t lived yet because she had never read Sportzine before. Becky said she was a ‘Sportzine Virgin’. So I gave Becky a copy of Sportzine. As Becky began to read it, Easy Ed said, “Once she reads the first line, she’s not a virgin anymore.”

Wise was talking about appaloosas. Wise said that if you are ‘too poor to own a horse, and too rich to own a dog’ then you buy an appaloosa.

Kung Fu Hustle. Both Chuck D and Alexander the Grate highly recommended this movie. So Chuck asked the Ornery Asshole what he thought of Kung Fu Hustle. The Ornery A said “Fantastic…Funny. Energetic. Stephen Chow is an incredible director, writer, actor.” And per Alex, despite being an action-comedy, it has one of the most poignant romances you’ll ever encounter.

Alex also revealed that nunchuks, or nunchaku as he noted, are Japanese in origin, not Chinese. Chuck knew that many Asian weapons were farm implements. Nunchuks were used to thresh rice.

Alexander the Great also called Chuck D what I heard as “Chuckularity”. What Alex actually said of Chuck was “Jocularity.”

Fearless Francis pointed out that A-Rod gets about $150,000 a game. And Manny, if he doesn’t foul off some pitches, is probably getting (or was) $30,000 an at bat. So Francis wondered if you’re a fan and Manny pops out on the first pitch, do you get your full satisfaction? But then I realized that Francis’ math was off. He thought players got about 300 at bats. I told him if a guy played 100 games with 4 at bats per, that’s 400 at bats right there. Nice idea though.

Lizzy Dalton, who’s now bartending on Mondays and Wednesdays (for a while) told me that she is in training to run the Rock N’ Roll Marathon in San Diego in May. It is to benefit The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. A close friend of Lizzy’s, Peter Wright, is a survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. If you wish to make a donation to the good cause, see Lizzy.

The Hot Club

Liz, the Monday bartender, is involved in a crazy hair contest. She just got her ‘box o’ hair’. The contest is in NH. People make animals and other wild stuff out of their hair. What will Liz do? We’ll keep you posted.

In the recent music scene, Augie likes Jose Gonzalez (Crosses) and Adele.

The Wizard told me that Sierra Hull, a 16-year old mandolin player, is one of the top 10 in the country. Her album is called Secrets. He sent a YouTube video as support.

We were talking about metal detectors in schools. Then the topic switched to college police carrying guns. The Wizard and I agreed that if the campus cops were similar to those in our day that we didn’t want them carrying guns.

The conversation turned to whether Tasers are legal. I mentioned that in watching the Westminster Kennel Club’s Best in Show, there was a dog named ‘Taser’ whose owner invented Tasers. Then I saw Monday that Jack Cover, who invented the Taser stun gun died at 88 in Los Angeles. Cover called it TSER for Tom Swift and his Electric Rifle.

The NCAA b-baller named Gerald Henderson - is that the son of the ex-Celtic player Gerald Henderson? Isiah Thomas – is that the son of the old Pistons’ guard? Wise wanted to know how many Isiah Thomases there are. Foot Joy raised the question of how many George Formans there are.

Pucky told me that he and his friends also used to get ‘ends’ (the ends of fruit squares) for free from the local bakeries. Pucky said that in French an end is called ‘le crut’.

Fleet Feet Pete said someone asked him what’s it like to be a middle linebacker. Pete said, “It’s like walking into a lion’s cage with a 3-piece pork chop suit.”

Overheard at the Hot Club: Someone gets on someone’s e-mail list, who then sends out stuff but doesn’t hide the people’s e-mail addresses using BCC. The person warns the individual to do it BCC or to put parentheses around the e-mail addresses so as not to get spam. All to no effect. So the offended party sends the non-BCCer a string of spam.

Jokin’ Joe was talking about a local hot tub you could rent by the hour. It was called Cuddles and Bubbles. He said a friend referred to it as ‘the local soak and poke’.

Jokin Joe said that a married couple had words. The husband said, “We had words, but I didn’t get to use any of mine.”

The Hot Club

Hooks used to go to Twins Pizza regularly for 30 years. Then he complained to the woman at the counter when he waited 45 minutes for his pizza after being told it would take 15. The woman at the counter was the owner and suggested that he not come back if he didn’t like it. He hasn’t been back since.

Mike Module said that a good winter day for kids was to make some money shoveling snow, then to stop by Helen’s Spa for some candy, and go to Margaret’s Bakery for ‘ends’. The bakery had bags of ‘ends’, the ends of the lemon, fig and date squares that they sold. Margaret’s would give away the ends to kids for free.

I predicted to Foot Joy that the Red Sox would win another World Series because they’ve re-signed the Captain, Jason Varitek. Foot Joy disputed this notion and said ’Tek would ground out with the bases loaded and the Sox would lose. We’ll see.

Kevin On Fire said he’d help advertize Sportzine by putting the logo on his ass while running around the neighborhood.

Pucky pointed out that the Comcast broadcast of the Super Bowl in Arizona showed viewers a porn movie near the end of the game. Said the Warden, “They saw the wrong Super Bowl.” I said, “Super Ball.”

Different ring tones – Charlie Hughes has the ESPN musical intro.

Jokin’ Joe had another lawyer joke: “Why are scientists using lawyers instead of rats in science experiments? Because there are some things that you can’t get the rats to do.”

After I said that Wednesdays at the HC have become like a gulag, Frequent Flyer suggested that there may be a connection between gulag and goulash – because there’s a lot of shit mixed together. This Wednesday there will be music at the Hot Club.

Charlie Clancy had a good idea. We should go to a monorail system in Rhode Island like the one in Disney World and transport people to the malls that way. Just park your car and go.

Frequent Flyer said that the monorail system wouldn’t work in Rhode Island because no one has a piece of the action or a vested interest in a monorail franchise.

The Hot Club

Mike Module grew up in my neighborhood. We reminisced about some of the local landmarks – Monkey Island in Slater Park, 7 Bumps where we use to go sledding. Death Valley, with they rope swing, was our playground. Mary’s Bakery, Bert’s Superette, Helen’s Spa, Hart’s Market and Margaret’s which had great coffee cabinets (that’s a drink). Oh and we used to go see Margie, Hank Soar’s daughter, for MLB game balls.

Chuck D just returned from China. He said that one quarter of the fresh water that is fit for human consumption is not OK for industrial use.

Chuck also said that you get bird flu if you kiss the wrong chick. A woman came up to him at the Hard Rock Café and asked “Where are you from?” Chuck said, “Are you a prostitute?” She said “Yes.”

Drivers in China use their horn as their brake pedal.

Adam asked why he didn’t have a Hot Club nickname. I told him because he hadn’t done anything wrong. Adam said that every day he’s an ornery asshole. So he suggested that name. I said Ornery A would do. Britt offered a different nickname for Adam – Lurch.

I asked Fleet Feet Pete, “What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer? ... There are skid marks in front of the skunk.”

So Chuck asked, “What’s the difference between a porcupine and a law office. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.”

Charlie Clancy was telling Fleet Feet Pete and me about his ‘signature moments’ in sports. Charlie mentioned Carlton Fisk’s HR against Cincy in the World Series, Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary Answered against Miami (to Gerard Phelan). ‘Havlicek stole the ball’. I always liked ‘Bird stole the ball’ (the inbounds pass by Isiah Thomas). I mentioned the audio at the Hall of Fame with Bernie Carbo homering off Rawly Eastwick to tie Cincy.

Pete asked me for a signature moment and I said, “Vinatieri’s kick in the snow to tie Oakland’. He kicked it right in front of us.” Charlie recalled Ted Williams’ home run in his last at bat. Off of Jack ____. After a while I remembered the pitcher – Jack Fisher.

We talked about starting a B-Ball team. I said I’d take Bill Russell to start my team. 11 championships in 13 NBA seasons. Two NCAA championships at the University of San Francisco and an Olympic Gold Medal too. No one else has ever done that. Fleet Feet Pete said that Russell could have been a decathlon champ.