Monday, August 24, 2009

The Hot Club

I met Alanna’s fiancé whose name is Jim. Foot Joy suggested a Hot Club nickname for him – ‘Run James Run’.

As I turned on my digital recorder and wondered out loud “Is it on?” Foot Joy chimed in with “Are we here?”

Foot Joy said that God was a baseball fan because the bible starts “In the big inning…” And God is still a baseball fan. And He’s (She’s) still in the big inning.

The Wise Man and Foot Joy were commenting on the hair of NESN’s Dennis Eckersley, Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo. The ‘rug’ talk was over who had the best/worst. Eck with the mullet, Remy with the crab or Orsillo with the weave.

The Wise Man also noted that Eckersley has a ‘Johnny Wadd Holmes’ moustache, aka a Bags type moustache.

Foot Joy was recalling Howard Cosell and his “Let’s get nostalgic about the past.” “You mean the School of Redundancy School”, I asked? “Yup!”

What Hot Club woman has a new nickname, ‘Free but not Easy’? Seems the woman was regretting not ever being married, and I suggested she was better off free and easy. She said she was free but not easy.

We were talking about paying a dowry and getting a hope chest. Free but not Easy said she got a ‘hopeless chest’.

A woman came in with her young daughter (under 6). A candidate for Mom of the Year.

Buffalo Steve wondered how Donovan McNabb felt about Michael Vick joining him on the Eagles. Mr. D. said, “Ruff, ruff.”

Citizen Caroline asked Buffalo Steve if he was celebrating Woodstock. Steve said he was of Woodstock material.

The Citizen accidentally knocked over Mr. D’s drink. “Elbowing. 5-Minute penalty”, Mr. D. said.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Hot Club



575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

Charlie Clancy mentioned to me that he reads That’s where I post Sportzine. It’s now I first became aware of it when Lisa Olsen did a piece on David Cone and he said the first thing he did every day was go to to read the sports columns of the major newspapers in the country.

A woman walked by in a strange looking green, red, blue dress. Patriot Pat thought it might be a he-she. Mr. D. suggested, “Let’s check the plumbing.”

The Wise Man said that he, Cajun Steve, Bags and ORric went to the beach. They went ‘Sopranos style’. Wise said that he didn’t want to get a sunburn, so he kept most of his clothes on. At the beach, Sopranos style.

Charlie Clancy, like Buffalo Steve, was in the Navy. Charlie called the Navy the best branch of the service. I said, “Oh no, that’s the Air Force”. Charlie said it’s got to be the Navy because two-thirds of the planet is water. After, Buffalo Steve pointed out that I could have brought up all the air in the world.

Contraire walked in and said that Brad Penny and the Red Sox were going to get tattooed that night. The Silencer said “We don’t need no stinkin’ naysayers.”

Contraire asked me what I was doing in my retirement. I said that I work on the Sportzine. Contraire said “That takes 5 minutes.”

The Wiz had a ’59 Singer. I thought that Singer made sewing machines. Wiz said it was a British car and you could start the engine with a crank.

The Jack of Fire said that Smoltz could give up a homer to the batboy.

There was a Porsche 911 Carrera S4 in the parking lot of the Hot Club. The RI license plate said ‘Fleece’. I said it was owned by a lawyer or a doctor. Then I added, “Or a shepherd.” Buffalo Steve said “A wealthy shepherd.”

Lovely Lisa was the first to notice that I had shaved off my moustache. Alexander the Grate was the second. Buffalo Steve said that I looked older without the moustache.

Friday, August 07, 2009

The Hot Club



575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

Mike Module was leaving the Hot Club and Fleet Feet Pete told him “Be careful out there.” Pete was channeling Hill Street Blues. Buffalo Steve said that the creator of Hill Street Blues, Stephen Bochco, is from Buffalo.

Broc’s companion Karen said that she liked my new moustache. Broc said that I looked like Captain Kangaroo.

Mr. D. told Patriot Pat that he was going to have a boob enhancement and a dick reduction.

Mike Module said that he used to give his son Sportzine to read, but without the Hot Club section. Mike’s son was 16 at the time. The young, impressionable youth! Protecting the youths of America!

Chuck D told me that Popeye kept his penis supple by sticking it in Olive Oyl.

Foot Joy thinks that the aerodynamics of Fenway Park has changed because of Jim Rice’s #14 number being retired and added up there.

Chuck D said that seeing Tom Bates and Josh Miller together at the HC was like seeing Clark Kent and Superman in the same place.

According to the Wise Man, Big Papi is up at bat pinch hitting after coming home from the hospital where he was visiting his sick daughter who told him “Go back. The Red Sox need you.” Wise says she told Big Papi: “Dad, hit me a homerun and I’ll be cured.”

An Anonymous Woman told me that men have been replaced by toys. Adult toys. Dildoes.

A woman revealed to me that her ex-boyfriend of 8-9 years ago is now a cross dresser and about to have a sex change operation. I kidded her “You drove him to it?” She said another person told her “He was so impressed with you that he wanted to be like you.”

The same woman said, “It’s like a gay men’s club here tonight.” I told her that since she had had a cross dressing ex-boyfriend who was having a sex change operation, that she would know about that.

Thank you Fran (I think.).