Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Hot Club

Frequent Flyer stopped by the HC. I asked him if he was going to be in town for awhile or if he was moving around the area. FF said he was moving around because it’s better to be a ‘moving target’.

I gave my copy of Keith Richards’ autobiography Life to Buffalo Steve. Frequent Flyer saw me give Steve the book and asked Steve if the book was about how to elect a conservative President.

Kelley, the HC bartender and Narragansett beer emissary, said she knows a guy in Connecticut, who works as Keith Richards’ pool boy. After the winter ended and the weather improved, the pool boy and his buddy took off the pool cover. They found a lot of chlorine and dead critters in the pool. Before they could clean it, they momentarily turned their backs and there was a loud splash – Keith had cannonballed into the pool.

There were two tables near Bar 5 with Reserved signs on them and plates of cheese and crackers, etc. We wondered who might have reserved them. Buffalo Steve thought it might have been Josh Miller celebrating his wedding anniversary.

I told High Wire Bill that the Red Sox were tight as a drum. Bill corrected me – “Tight as a bull’s ass.” High Wire said if the Sox didn’t make the playoffs, there would be changes.

Overheard at the Hot Club (an Internet dater describing the first meeting with a new prospect): “Done before it’s begun.” About a relationship being over before it began.

Also Overheard at the Hot Club: someone waits to be greeted by “Hi!” and responds, “Wish I was.”

Mike Module said his son was playing outfield at Macomber Field (CF/Cumb), and while going for a ball, he slipped on some dog shit. So I commented that they must have made his son sit at the end of the bench. The Module said, “Well they didn’t give him much shit about missing the ball, but they gave him a lot of shit about the shit.”

Who is The Poacher?

‘Art’ Carney told me a favorite saying of his: “May the Bird of Happiness always be with you, but always miss your windshield.”

Sportzine is also available at (Thanks to Buffalo Steve)

The Hot Club

In observing all the young people on the Hot Club deck on a recent Friday, Gentleman Joe recalled his father’s words: “Youth is wasted on the young.”

I was telling Fleet Feet Pete and Dr. John that when I was in grad school, I had to take Calculus. The best Calc teacher was in Newport. You had to pay the Newport Bridge toll so I bought tokens. One night I was close to being late for class. When I tossed in the token, the light didn’t go red to green. And when I continued through, alarms went off. On the way home, the same thing happened. That night I found the tokens on my bureau. I had taken my daughter’s Chuck E. Cheese coins.

Dr. John was talking about Lyle Lovett and his Large Band. The Good Doctor said he liked a Lovett song called If I Were The Man That You Wanted, I Would Not Be The Man That I Am. John wondered if Lyle wrote it for Julia Roberts.

The Friday deck was full of youths. One woman walked by and had a quite pronounced strut. Our name for such a lass was always “strutter.” Which made me think of the song Strutter. I thought it was Noddy Holder and Slade, but actually it was done by Kiss.

ORric said “Ride ’em hard and put ’em away wet.”

The Perfusionist is going to RI Hospital. No more Miriam? No, he’ll still be there but they’re consolidating.

As some men ogled the women on the deck, a voice asked if there were a band called “Dirty Old Men”. From there it went to a new nickname for one of the ardent admirers of pulchritude: DOM - Dirty Old Man.

A young woman was wearing a flimsy top with a single tie in back. As she strolled by, someone said she’d probably got all the other women mad at her. In unison two voices replied, “The Noive.”

Asked Adam if he had seen anything good, and he said Attack the Block, which just opened here. He downloaded it. It’s a British movie about an alien attack on a block defended by a teen gang. Will have to check it out.

There was a stranger in the HC in a white costume with Made On Honor in the front – it was a person-size can of Narragansett Beer. Who was inside? It was a ‘Tall Boy’ can, so it must have been a guy.

Sportzine is also available at (Thanks to Buffalo Steve)

The Hot Club




575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

THE HOT CLUB I saw the Jack of Fire and asked him if he had gotten last week’s Sportzine because he was in it, but I missed giving it to him. Jack responded, “Oh yeah, I signed a bunch of ’em.” “Where’s the Sportzine now?” I asked him. Jack said, “It’s in my parrot’s cage.”

Rich ‘The Carney Barker’ was wearing an original HCYC (Hot Club Yacht Club) T-shirt. On the back of the tee was a flame coming out of a heart with a club in the middle. Heart Club. Hot Club. I had never seen it before and I was amused at how much it corresponded to the Hot Club ad that my daughter Cara and I created.

And yes, the Carney Barker says that Art was a distant relative. Like a second uncle.

The Wiz ordered a vanilla Porter. ORric wanted ‘a penis supporter or tulips on my organ’.

Contraire, speaking of Sportzine, told me “I have no lies for your paper.” Then he asked if I was the editor. I said “Yeah, I’m the editor, and the writer and the printer.” Contraire responded: “You’re the editor, the writer and the liar.”

The Wise Man said that Toronto’s Jose Bautista is known as ‘Joey Bats’.

We were having a brief discussion of ‘Psychotronic movies’, the term coined by Michael Weldon (2 excellent books listing many great examples). The group included Broc, Amanda, and High Wire Bill. Broc had seen Cowboys and Aliens which he liked. I mentioned Machete which Amanda liked. I saw Devil which I gave a 7 out of 10. I said that some psychotronic movies, like Ed D. Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space, are so bad that they’re good. So you get something out of it.

Contraire heard me talking about ‘psychotronic’movies. He called them ‘catatonic’.

When I entered the near bar last Wednesday, it sounded like I was being serenaded. Not sure who started it, but Alexander the Great was there as was Ernie, High Wire Bill and Broc. They just started singing. It was music to my ears.

Ran into Joe Murphy from Voke Rehab and he was with his buddy Neal. Joe asked my prediction for the Patriots and I said “14-2.” Neal thought that Tom Brady needs to stop hanging around high priced women and it might improve his game. I said it was more like his offensive line protecting him and the defense has to play well.

The Hot Club

Told the Wizard some of the things that I learned about the ‘27 Club’: that Jesse Belvin died with his wife in a car crash after the first ever integrated concert in Little Rock and that Rudy Lewis, lead singer for the Drifters from 1960-64 (Up on the Roof and On Broadway), was about to record Under The Boardwalk, but died in his room the night before. And Robert Johnson reportedly died from poisoned moonshine. All the Wiz wanted to talk about was being right about the Red Sox having their best ever July.

Then I recalled one I’d forgotten to tell the Wizard – Al ‘Blind Owl’ Wilson of Canned Heat was considered by John Lee Hooker as the best harmonica player he’d ever heard. The Wiz said John Mayall is a great harmonica player who uses his tongue to close off the middle of the harmonica so only the ends are open.

Alexander the Great told us about a ‘bang stick’ (‘What, you never watched Jacques Cousteau?’). Alex said that it’s used underwater. A shotgun shell in a long tube. They use it for sharks. If you touch something with the bang stick, it fires the shotgun shell.

Doctor John was telling us about having a problem kayaking the Saco River in Maine. The river was so low that a guy with a beer belly and a beer was sitting in the middle of the river in a chair almost daring boaters to hit him, like ‘Don’t touch me!’ Alexander the Grate told Dr. John that he needed a bang stick.

Stevie ‘Saucepan Hands’ had his smart phone (which begs the question ‘Do smart people have smart phones?’). Stevie checked and the Red Sox were 67-41 (108 games played), 54 left. So the Sox need 33 wins to get to 100, which means play .611 ball. It’s now .604.

The All Hands Man also said to check out The Eye Teeth Crowd, a British comedy series that he saw on Netflix.

Prince’s Purple Rain was playing on the jukebox. A few days before it was the birthday of Appolonia (Patricia Kotero). I think she was 50 (it’s 52). Stevie ‘Saucepan Hands’ said she’s a grandmother now (no mention of kids). I recalled Prince playing a great Super Bowl Halftime show in the rain. It was 2007 in Miami. In the Purple Rain. Awesome set!

Bags (Himself) was at the Breakers for his birthday. Billy Joel was there and he asked Joel for an autograph (sorry!). Wonder if Bags used the ‘It’s my birthday’ line on Joel.

Sportzine is also available at (Thanks to Buffalo Steve)

The Hot Club




575 South Water Street

Providence, RI

Jack of Fire and I were talking about Texas adding relievers Koji Uehara (Balt.) and Mike Adams (S.D.). Jack said that was because Texas knows the Red Sox wear you down and Texas knows that they are on a collision course with the Red Sox. Texas Nation versus Red Sox Nation. Jack said that since the Red Sox wear you down, if you don’t have a good bullpen you lose.

Buffalo Steve was a Mustang – he started out as an enlisted man in the Navy and then became an officer – an ensign. Buffalo Steve said that even being at the low end of the officer pool was much better than as an enlisted man. He was a jazz DJ in Argentia, Newfoundland. His ‘shift’ or ‘watch’ was from 6-10 AM. That was it. No swabbing. No mess. Four hours and done!

Dr. John asked me what I was doing for the weekend. I told him it was wide open, but I’d have to talk with Victoria to see what she wanted to do. The good doctor laughed and said he should have learned that 35 years ago. Per Dr. John, if you have a boat and she doesn’t like the boat, sink the boat. And throw the skis in there too.

One guy was on the deck with a tee shirt that said ‘Deny Everything’.

Jimmy Chelo said he ran into Drew Bledsoe up at Foxboro. Jimmy said he wasn’t sure at first that it was Bledsoe. I said that Bledsoe was about 6’5”, so how could you miss him? Jimmy said Bledsoe was sitting down.

A guy was wearing round black disks in his ear lobes. The Jack of Fire asked a young newcomer to the deck what that meant. She informed Jack that the disks were called ‘gauges’ and it was a punk rock thing.

Dr. John was telling us that he loved the old Barry Goldwater quote “I’m so old that I’ve moved to the left just by standing still.” Fleet Feet Pete said that his favorite is ‘if pro is the opposite of con, then progress is the opposite of congress’.

Amanda said to check out Luther, a British series. I told Amanda about the British trilogy called Red Riding (1974, 1980 and 1984). Excellent!

We were talking about German words and Buffalo Steve pointed out ‘kindergarten’ or ‘children’s garden’. I mentioned to Steve that we looked up the word ‘skunk’ and found that it was ‘mouffette’ in French and ‘stinktier’ in German.